I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
6 《伍迪·艾伦经典台词》
Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
我们的生活取决于我们选择用什么样的方法去扭曲它。
[cp]爱意味着折磨，為了不受折磨你就不要去爱，但你又会受到无爱的折磨，所以爱是折磨，不爱又是折磨，折磨就是折磨。為了快乐还是去爱，于是快乐也成了折磨，但是折磨使人不快乐，所以為了不快乐，你就要去爱，用爱带来折磨或者因為太
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
如果你想逗上帝发笑，就把你的计划告诉他。
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
我参加了一次存在主义的考试。我一个答案都没写，结果得了100分。
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
有意思的是，现代天文学家认為，空间是有限的。这一点非常令人欣慰——尤其是对那些从来都不记得把东西放在哪里的人
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
我因為形而上学考试时作弊而被大学开除了——我偷看了邻座同学的灵魂。
My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
不要把死亡视為末日。把它看作削减开支的真正有效的方法。
世界上最动听的话不是我爱你。
而是你的肿瘤是良性的。
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
我和我老婆唯一一次同时获得高潮是在法官签署离婚文件时。
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
如果你不是经常失败，这表明你做的事情没有什么创新性。
年轻的时候，我认為我肯定能成為伟大的艺术家，但我现在并不是。我有我的局限性。但是你知道，即便你自身有局限性，只要你尽了全力，只要你不出卖自己，不被不值得的东西收买，你仍然可以过上美好的生活。你不必一生都鞭挞自己，你又不是达芬奇，我也不是。
The most beautiful words in the English language aren't "I love you" but "it's benign."
最动听的话不是“我爱你”，而是“它是良性的”。
我不想通过我的作品达到不朽，我想通过不死来达到。我不想活在人们心里，我想活在我的公寓里。
I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want.
我不知道我想要什么，但我知道我不想要什么。
世上大体分成好坏两种人，好人晚上睡得踏实，而坏人更享受醒着的时间。
免费的性是最贵的
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
如果你放弃所有让你想活到一百岁的东西，你就可以活到一百岁。
I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
我讨厌现实，但这仍然是获得一块好牛排的最佳地方。
I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
我没有娶我的初恋情人，因為当时我们之间有严重的宗教衝突。她是个无神论者，而我则是个不可知论者。
欣赏和喜欢你拥有的东西，而不是你没有的东西，你才能快乐。
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
我不怕死，我只是不想在我死的时候在场。
我们生活在一个过分纵容的社会中，色情产品从来不像现在这样遍地都是，而且那种电影里的照明真是差劲！我们是缺乏明确目标的人，从来没能学会去爱。我们缺少领袖和一致的计划，没有精神中心，在宇宙中随波逐流，出于挫折感和痛苦，互相施以骇人听闻的暴力。幸好，我们还没有失去分寸感。总而言之，未来显然机会无限，也有陷阱，窍门在于避开陷阱，抓住机会，并在6点鐘前回家。
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
生活中有比死亡更糟糕的事。你曾经和一个保险经纪人共度过一个晚上吗？
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
如果上帝存在，我希望他有一个好的借口。
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
欣赏和喜欢你拥有的东西，而不是你没有的东西，你才能快乐。
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
总的来说，我老婆不太成熟。我在家洗澡时，她总是来把我的船弄沉。
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
性与爱之间的区别是性缓解紧张，而爱则引起紧张。
人似乎分為好人和坏人。好人睡得好一些，而坏人似乎能更好地享受醒着的时间。
伍迪·艾伦，本名艾伦·斯图尔特·康尼斯堡（Allen Stewart Konigsberg），美国电影导演、编剧、演员、喜剧演员、作家、音乐家与剧作家。艾伦独具风格的电影，范畴横跨戏剧、脱线性喜剧，让他成了美国在世最受尊敬的导演之一。艾伦也以他速度飞快的电影拍摄过程与数量繁多的电影作品着名。艾伦的电影常包办编剧、导演，有时甚至自己上阵演出。灵感方面，艾伦则汲取自文学、性、哲学、心理学、古希腊、犹太身分、欧洲电影，以及他的出生地与一生的居所：纽约市。
